Dixon Deeper single-handedly made the Czechs and Hungarians wish back the time of the Eastern Bloc. A time when Ivan’s tanks were shooting at Western Europeans intent on stalking Budapest’s locker rooms and public parks. That’s why Dixon was drop-kicked out of the country and denied re-entry. Banned from his adopted home turf, the self-proclaimed ‘Coarse Whisperer’ has been writing the frustration off his chest ever since. After a nontypical try at serious journalism, Dixon found employment with ORGAZMIK, the only company willing to pay him for pursuing his favourite pastime, panty-peeping.

But is there still bitterness in Dixon’s heart after his forceful eviction? Does he now look at Eastern European porn with a hypercritical eye? Cooly, Dixon waves the assumption aside. ‘Au contraire’, he says and states that he includes the Eastern European womanhood in his daily prayers. Along with the rest of the world’s female population, naturally, which includes glamour chicks like Briana Banks (“True love will even withstand silicone!”) and true blue heartthrobs like Desert Rose (“Aaaargh!”). But Dixon also stresses the importance of skilled swordsmen, citing Lexington Steele as his inspiration.

Whenever possible, the militant aesthete avoids reviewing movies that feature mud-wrestling butchers’ wives and other German atrocities. He also disdains anything that’s dubbed or too plot-heavy. Why waste your time with bad pornography anyway? After all, Dixon hopes to evade the surveillance of the Eastern European secret service one day in order to return to the Promised Land after so many years in exile.

Facts about Dixon Deeper:

• He never trims his whiskers, otherwise he couldn’t smuggle DVDs out of the office anymore.
• He’s the honorary head of S.H.O.V.E.I.T, the Swiss-Hungarian Orphanage for Vixens Employed in Indecent Trade.
• When he’s not in his office he’s usually up on the sundeck.